Dirty filthy Sasquatch stole my lunch

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dammitgriff
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Dirty filthy Sasquatch stole my lunch

Post by dammitgriff » Thu May 17, 2018 9:38 pm

So there I was, slogging through the hiking trails in the Ocala National Forest when I decided to stop in a little clearing for lunch near a small inlet of a small lake. Pulled out my sardines in a can, crackers and a can of beer...you know, man food.
Opened up the sardines, saltine crackers and rummaged around my pack for the hot sauce (Louisiana, that is) when all of a sudden, this foul stench wafted across the place like a burnt skunk dunked in a vat of sour orange juice.
Needless to say, the sardines smelled better than that obnoxious odor and next thing I know I hear grunting and a low growling like a redneck girl in heat and the bushes start moving...I hear footsteps.
Can’t see what it is making the noise, so I flip a hunk of sardines over into the palmetto scrub where the racket is coming from and that produced enough silence to get a few bites in for myself. Figured it was a black bear that is common in this area, so I slipped out my .41 Magnum Blackhawk and positioned it near my right hand for safety’s sake.
Next thing I know all hell breaks loose. Some damn hairy-ass hippie about 9 feet tall comes busting out of the bushes and starts growling at me like it’s my fault he’s out of deodorant. I picked up my six-gun and thumbed the hammer back, and got its attention. Man you shoulda seen this dude’s eyeballs when that hammer clicked into kickass.
He took off and so did I, left my damn sardines right there where I put ‘em down, and hauled ass out of there, leaving both those sardines and sunglasses right where I dropped them.
So if y’all run across a 9-foot hippie wearing cheap shades and smelling like an Ocala whorehouse, that’s the dude what scared me shitless on the 13th of March in the year of our Lord 2018.
True story,
The end.
R/Griff
P.S. - He still owes me $1.80 for the sardines but the sunglasses are free of charge.
Last edited by dammitgriff on Thu May 17, 2018 9:38 pm, edited 8 times in total.

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flcracker
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Re: Dirty filthy Sasquatch stole my lunch

Post by flcracker » Fri May 18, 2018 6:48 am

I've been hearing about permanent residents out there in the ONF for years.
and some rin up hill and down dale, knapping the chucky stanes to pieces wi' hammers, like sae mony road-makers run daft - they say it is to see how the warld was made!

Synaptic Misfire
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Re: Dirty filthy Sasquatch stole my lunch

Post by Synaptic Misfire » Fri May 18, 2018 8:32 am

Meth Zombie
"Maybe when we secede, we'll just take the Constitution with us.
Nobody in DC is using it anyway." -Joe C. Wales

Ronald Reagan brought down the 2nd most powerful nation in the world-the Soviet Union.
Barack Obama is trying to bring down the most powerful nation in the world-the United States of America

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Rentprop1
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Re: Dirty filthy Sasquatch stole my lunch

Post by Rentprop1 » Fri May 18, 2018 6:11 pm

flcracker wrote:
Fri May 18, 2018 6:48 am
I've been hearing about permanent residents out there in the ONF for years.
there was a story on arfcom about 5 or 6 years ago, where some members were 4 x 4'ing down a trail and came upon a meth zombie herd, a couple of vehicles ( run down RV's ) in a semi-circle blocking the trail, permanently parked like a camp, blue tarps and lots of trash everywhere, those guys were all well armed ( being arfcom commando types ) and still scared shitless, so go figure...one of the guys ran at the car yelling and screaming, as one of the jeeps did a 3 point turn on a 6 foot wide trail the passenger managed to grab a hand full of dirty white man dreadlocks and they hauled ass out of there.

about as freaky as that Subaru commercial where the couple are camping and Fred and Jed are standing there when they unzip that tent, saying " Goood morning !! "
In the days of the old west a 6 shooter was as common as cell phones are today and just annoying if they go off in a theater.

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Re: Dirty filthy Sasquatch stole my lunch

Post by P5 guy » Sat May 19, 2018 5:31 am

Michelle 0bama out hiking?
I AM THE GUN LOBBY AND I VOTE!

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